Why I want to live on my own
First I want to clarify that I love my parents. I just think I need some time away from them right now. This morning, my parents asked me to vacuum the house. I told them I will later (Yes I was really going to do it later in the day, I swear). But in the afternoon, they started to vacuum themselves. This really aggravated me because it felt like they still don’t trust me. They still think I’m an irresponsible kid. Perhaps I still am in some ways, but I want to grow out of it. And it’s hard to do being around my parents, especially when they still treat me like a kid.
I also learned through my college years that I was much more productive when I lived on my own. This is very important for me right now because of painting. Painting is really hard, it’s possibly the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. But fuck for god knows why, I have this dire urge to be a good painter. The one thing painting demands most is time-spent-painting. It’s so hard to discipline myself to painting when I’m with my parents. Around my parents, I still feel like a kid. It’s too easy to lapse into that irresponsible kid because they got my back, I don’t have to do anything, I will be taken care of. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I still look like a kid. Everyone misjudges my age by a great deal. Like today I was at the dentist for a clean up, the nurse was so surprised when I told her I was 23. She thought I was in middle school. Anyways, why I don’t move out is another story. For now, I should probably just suck it all up and discipline myself to paint more.
